It is not
it is not life that i grieve,
not the sadness that i see,
but the fleeting peace in me
tainted with inconsistency...
My wild butterfly
Once upon a time, i posted this poem in a forum
to My wild butterfly
to the wild butterfly
whose wings fluttered in my mind.
how i have missed you so, the mystery
of the strange touch that shouldn't be.
swept through me for just a second,
chilled the bones of my confusion,
and faded away as if it has never been
in such a mean that i have never seen....
so to you, my wild butterfly,
how strange of you to make me shy....
*a friend replied with her poem and i replied it*
oh dear wild butterfly of mine
have love blinded thine sight?
for thou doth and for me thus
fly away before the moment rust
fly away before love rush
and crush thine little heart...
oh or was it mine i wonder,
was it why i felt this shudder,
such strange notion of nature...
oh stop, my heart, do not think further
*a reply to my friend reply*
oh my little butterfly,
how strange of thy tonight
I do not understand...
I do not understand...
I do not understand, what i want is so plain,
yet i could not pertain, this emotion that is restrained.
I feel suffocated, feel like i am being put in a mixer,
and it started to grind as i was going blind.
but I do not understand, this pressure rearing up my choker,
as if i could combusted and faint, but i do not understand,
because what i want is so simple,
because what i wished for is so simple,
because what i yearned for is so simple,
yet why do i feel this pain?
this torment, what can i do to make it plain?
I just want to be near you, walk with you,
I just want to stay by you, talk with you,
I just want to feel you, understand you,
but everything just felt like an illusion,
a complexion that I could never have forgotten.
i just want to sit by you, in the silent,
and let myself emerge in the serene moment,
and like the foolish butterfly, i would smile,
and be all senile, i would let time slide,
and be all futile, i would feel like i could fly,
Book of Dream - Chapter 4Chapter 4: friend or foe?
After the voice was gone, there was only silent and the strange bracelet being left behind. There weren't any monsters, dark forces or even a single tiny existence that stick out from the endless darkness tread on before my eyes. Even I could not believe what just had happened if it was not for the "Yes, the bracelet", I quickly glanced down at the solid object in my hand.
The bracelet was plain. It made of only two chains being linked together with a bead. The chains were neither silver nor gold, just a teal colored metal. The only thing special about it was the engraving on the bead and that it glowed. But that was nothing special. Just like how my body glowed in this darkness, the bracelet also glowed as well. However, the engraving was something else. I could not made out the meaning or the shape of the engraving but I thought it looked like a dragon. And I love dragon.
But back to the subject, what do I do now?
I said j
Book of Dream - Chapter 3Chapter 3: What do you mean I died?
It is a fact that no one like to read nonsense, not even someone who has no idea who they are or where they come from. No one has the time or the energy to involve in nonsense, you see. Whether it is a piece of scrap newspaper or the babbling diary of some teenager, in whatever form, everything has to make sense. You can't just write up anything and claim that it make sense. And even if you intended to write nonsense, you would unconsciously write something that makes sense in the end. It was just human nature to make sense of everything, you see. Yet it was strangely that, sometimes, things that make sense just don't really make any sense at all. For example, the situation I am dealing with now.
Before I say anything, I must exclaim that this is neither a joke nor some nonsense I am talking about.
It is real and it is happening as we speak. It is something so bizarre but was as ordinary as the fact that the sun rise from the east
Book of Dream - Chapter 2Chapter 2: What am I doing here?
Comfortlessly sitting in the couch, I could still feel the rapid beating of my heart and the pressing of its nerves. I am on edge. From the very tips of my fingers to the very end of my hairs, an undying scream of fear and confusion is engulfing my rationality. Where is this place? Why am I here? How did I even get here? The questions are circling tirelessly round and round inside my head as I stare at the kind woman standing across from me, whose hair still steamed wet from the quick shower.
If I have to name it, the main problem is because I have no memory. I could not recall who I am or where I came from. And even if I faintly sensed the answers, everything is covered in a veil of fog. I have a feeling that even if I successfully unveiled it, there would be more layers underneath. And for one reason or another, the woman led me to her home.
Yet, surprisingly, I was not lost. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I instinctively
How Much?I thought I'd finally caught a break
Maybe after all this pain I've found solitude
But the whole time you were looking at me, you pictured her
Everytime you found your way back to me it meant nothing
That look when you see me, was only because I reminded you of her
But how can you deny that?
The glint in your eyes and the way you let me touch you
This connection I feel to you even now
Do I mean something to you? Or was I just naive?
I still love you.
But I hate myself.
Because I love you.
HeartbrokenI loved, I cared, I gave you all that I could,
My misfortune; I couldn't be all that you wanted.
I hoped, I wished, and I thought you understood,
My misfortune; my heart felt taunted.
I wondered, I asked, and I prayed for your own good.
My misfortune; I felt so unwanted,
I pleaded, I begged, all to share thoughts I could,
My misfortune; I neglected the hurt you had planted.
I was stupid, I was blind, I was unable to read your mind,
My misfortune; I still messaged you.
I learnt my lesson, I felt the world, I now think I know it,
Dont worry, you shall never feel so lacerated.
I promise, I swear, I shall never speak to you again,
For I deserved it all to have fallen for you.
I was silly, I was weird, and I was dumb to think --
How could I been the one you cherished?
But may you answer if you could -- how could someone be so indecisively cruel?
A cold-heart with its own blood, uncaring with bleeding hearts
I question if you care truly for my well being,
Or if it is just an illusion to fill
MelodyInside of us is a melody,
it's inside the hearts of you and me.
Although sometimes it's quiet and tender,
our melody is a soft, friendly reminder.
The sound inside of everyone,
will be a bind that can't be undone.
It's a note that connects with each other,
its a mark of acceptance towards one another.
We will all be heard eventually,
sometimes it's you, and sometimes it's me.
The melody inside of our body, our hearts,
is what keeps us from staying apart.
It is the sound of our sadness and fear,
but it's also the sound of the smiles you smile here.
It is the words that stay unspoken,
it is the reason some hearts are broken.
But if you listen, just listen closely,
I'm sure you can hear your melody.
Hear the thoughts that you think inside,
hear the feelings that you want to hide.
Understand yourself just a little be more,
open up that heavy closed door.
Our melody plays steady and neat,
it's a beauty that no one can beat.
Our melody is a song for ourselves,
it reminds us of our good healt
NostalgiaI'd say you have a flawless mind at its finest,
But then I remember you don't have a heart in the slightest.
Those sleepless nights and morning excitement,
With them combined were our lovely messages sent.
You stole my heart and took my breath away,
Upon thinking of us together is when my mind would sway.
I gave you me, my soul, my heart, and my happiness; you had it all in your hands,
And then the tables turned, time changed; and it all became a gamble to have it all.
The messages stopped the way they were,
Within days, I found myself fragile, broken, upon the concrete floor.
I don't blame you, I don't blame you, I don't blame you,
Neither do I regret the moments spent together.
I wish you had told me the truth so that I knew,
But you hid it all; you played my heart ...
Without those intentions, and hurt my soul.
And now, I am stuck while the world is too busy in its own hole.
HerI want to hate her
She took you from me
My only, the person who mattered most to me
Snatched out of my life
I want to rip her to shreds
Drain the life from her like you stole the life from me
Write our initials in her blood
Laugh when I watch your heart shatter, like you did to me
Cruel, sick son of a bitch
But I know that she makes you happy
That she'll always come first
And she paints a smile on your face
I'm a liar.
You've never seemed more in pain that you have since I found out.
Knowing you didn't take a risk on me, but not knowing why.
Loving me more and more, but bound to her
I want to hate her
I really, really do.
She Will Never Know...Its ok
I won't say anything
She doesn't have to know
We are alone in this classroom
I may never see you again-make this count
A small secret, between lips teeth and tongue
Breathless, you cool mouth touching mine
Promises don't know
That secrets mean nothing
If you kiss me, I promise she will never know
And when you pull away and still want her-I will completely understand
But when you take a breath and all you want is more
I will be here
Waiting in this empty classroom
Keeping our secret safe
Hold me close
And I promise
She will never know.
My Worst Enemy.She's staring me down.
I can't look away.
Her eyes are cold, criticizing.
I shrink under her gaze.
My heart races faster by the second,
Yet she never notices.
Her eyes trail over every inch of my body,
Analyzing every little detail.
I shiver, seeing the look of disgust on her face.
She looks into my eyes again,
and I struggle to breathe.
"You're disgusting," she says, her voice like acid.
"You don't deserve to live."
I can't fight her."You look horrible. You're not even human anymore."
I nodded again, holding back tears.
She smirked, laughing humourlessly.
"Go ahead- cry. I don't care. I'm concerned about your appearance, not your mental and emotional state."
I choked back a sob, trying not to succumb to her words.
"...You're pathetic. A waste of space. An annoyance that no one wants to live with."
A single tear rolled down my cheek silently,
And then another,
Until I was crying my eyes out,
My body shaking with each loud sob th
HurricaneI don't really know
How all of this came to be
When I already know
She can do better than me
I feel like she's the desert
And whenever I hold her hand
I realize that makes me
Nothing more than a grain of sand
I can't help but ask myself
How is it that she's with me?
I'm just a mess when I'm alone
And I'm fucking up constantly
In every way, shape, and form
Like the calm of the night
Or like the eye of a storm
(And if that storm were to break...)
I always have the thought
That if people were rain
l would be just a drop
And she'd be the hurricane...
SkyYour eyes are like a sky
The deepest, richest blue
Cloudless, perfect, a void of escape
Not a sea taht I could drown in
Resting my head on the crook of your neck
Breathing in clean air
Instead of a plague you are a cure
The sweetest antidote
This is a dream
Its unnatural-the way you make me feel
Is this a fantasy?
Or is it about to become my reality?
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